


Broken Hearted

by alyssa146



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: AFib, Anal Sex, Angst with a Happy Ending, Atrial Fibrillation, Best Friends, Betrayal, Bottom Jared Padalecki, Broken Promises, Drama & Romance, Drunken Confessions, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Heart Attacks, Heartbreak, Hospitals, Hurt Jared Padalecki, Jealous Jensen Ackles, Love Confessions, M/M, Misunderstandings, Mpreg, Past Mpreg, Protective Jensen, Sick Jensen Ackles, Top Jensen Ackles, Trauma, Young Jared Padalecki, lying, mommy Jared, single parent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-01
Updated: 2017-05-04
Packaged: 2018-10-13 18:02:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 15,525
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10518972
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alyssa146/pseuds/alyssa146
Summary: 4 years ago Jensen left Jared pregnant and alone but now he's back and Jared is left ruined in his wake when he discovers the real reason Jensen left him.





	1. Ruined

**Author's Note:**

> I know the first chapter is short but its more of an intro

4 years earlier

Jared walked in home he shared with Jensen practically bouncing off the walls with joy. After months of trying he was finally pregnant. He found Jensen sitting on the couch, bags laid out around him and the joy flew out of him in an instant.

“What’s going on?”

Jensen looked up with solemn eyes and shook his head before wiping his hands on his jeans and standing “I can’t do this anymore Jared.”

Jared let out a winded gasp and stepped back “do what? I don’t understand—“

“Were not happy anymore we haven’t been for a while now and I can’t keep pretending to be I can’t keep hurting you—“

“No we are happy I mean—what’s going on? Jensen just last week we went out on that romantic dinner and you told me you loved and you—“

“I lied. I don’t love you Jared and I haven’t for a while now…you are still important to me and I’ll always care about you. But I think its best we end it here. It’s been 8 years a person can only love for so long. “

“Shut up. “ Jared reached up to tug at his hair desperately. “God just shut up this isn’t happening I mean this doesn’t make any sense,” Jared sobbed his eyes were burning with tears as he let out a broken wail his heart shattering. 

He and Jensen had been together since they were in college how could Jensen fall out of love with him.

It didn’t make sense. Last night he saw it in his eyes, he saw the love and tenderness there he couldn’t have been lying about it he couldn’t.

“No,” Jared whispered. “I don’t believe you.”

“Believe me,” Jensen was fighting back tears as his heart twisted at Jared’s broken voice. “I don’t love you anymore.” Of course he was lying, he loved him, God he loved him. More than words could ever explain and he wished that he didn’t have to do this.

“Is there someone else?”

Jared’s voice was cracked and filled with so much pain it had Jensen trembling “no…I just don’t love you anymore.”

Jensen picked up his bags and walked out the door leaving Jared to collapse to the floor, his hands going to his stomach.

What was he supposed to do now?

4 years later

Jensen moved away from Rhode Island and to LA. Jared guessed he wanted as far away from him as he could get.

Jared ended up moving out of the house they had shared, not able to live there any longer and found a home closer to the water where he now lived with his daughter Everleigh.

She was his everything, the only thing he had left of Jensen. She was his clone.

It scared him sometimes just how alike she was to Jensen with her bright green eyes and blonde hair and it burnt him to the core.

Jared still didn’t understand what had happened that day, what made Jensen leave. Everything had been fine at least to Jared.

Now he was left alone to raise his 4 year old with the help of Chad and Sandy, left to pay the bills on his own while Jensen was living the life in LA.

But that was fine he didn’t need him anyway .


	2. His Back

“Everleigh I need you ready to go in the next 3 minutes! Move your cute little tail!”

Little footsteps bounded down the stairs as Jared packed up his bag for the day and scooped up his daughters backpack handing it off to her as she passed him.

Big green eyes stared up at him as she slipped her bag on, her braid tossing back behind her “mommy are we going to see unca Chad today?”

Jared smiled down at his daughter as he shooed her outside and to the car “yep were meeting him at the diner when mommy gets off work you know what that means?”

“That I have to be good?”

“Exactly! You’re spending the day at work with mommy since grandma had plans today but you gotta be good and stay out of trouble.”

His daughter huffed and rolled her big eyes “I never get in twoble mommy.”

“Right that's why you got kicked out of daycare?”

“He started it.”

Jared laughed, his daughter might look like Jensen but she had Jared’s personality.

They arrived at Jared’s office his arms full of a bouncing little girl, waving at everyone she could, smiling as they waved back to her.

Jared sat her on the couch in his office and sat in his chair and booted his computer up “alright you know the drill mommy’s working on a new book so what do we do?”

“We be good.”

“That's right,” Jared grinned as he kissed his daughters cheek who smiled toothily up at him before bringing out her Barbie dolls.

 

“Unca Chad!”

Chad grinned and stood up as a little girl with big dimples came running at him and jumped in his arms “aw man why are you so big?”

Everleigh smiled back at him and patted his hand “I’m not big Unca Chad you’re just small.” Jared laughed loudly as Chad sat Everleigh down and made a face at him “thanks a lot Jaybird.”

 

Jensen’s head shot up at the booming laugh, his eyes moving around till they fell on a face he hadn’t seen in person in years.

Jensen didn’t want to come back here but he knew he had no choice when his law firm gave him a travel case and here he was watching as Jared, the man who’s heart he broke years ago stood not far from him with a bright smile.

His eyes fell on the little girl and his fork slipped from his fingers and clattered on his plate. The little girl could be no older than 3 or 4. She had long dirty blonde hair and deep dimples on her cheeks, her eyes a bright green swirling with hints of blue.

This girl was Jared’s there was no doubt about that…but she was his to that much he knew.

Jared lifted the little girl up and she kissed his cheeks as he sat her down in the booth “ok Everleigh what are we eating today?”

The little girl, Everleigh pursed her lips and stuck her tongue out making Jensen’s heart ache at the sight. Jared used to do the exact same thing.

“Grilled cheese pwease.”

Chad nodded at the little girl “you know what toots? That sounds awesome!”

Jared grinned “I think I’ll get that to… grilled cheeses all around!”

Everleigh laughed a bright giggle “your silly mommy.”

The breath flew right out of Jensen, his hands felt sweaty and his skin was prickling with heat as he stood up, the dishes on the table clanking as he rushed out of the diner.

Jared whirled around at the loud noise and caught sight of a man leaving the diner and frowned “someone’s in a hurry .”


	3. Pain

“Are you sure?”

“It was him Chris I know it was—“

“And the little girl?”

“… She’s mine.”

“How do you know?”

“She looks just like me Chris—“

“He could have—“

“Don’t you even fucking go there you know he didn’t,” Jensen seethed as Chris sighed over the phone “listen man I’m trying to make it better for you. I don’t know what you want me to say man I mean this is your fault, you left him.”

“I had to.”

“You had a choice and you know it.”

“I couldn’t let him find out…I couldn’t do that to him.”

“So you ran like a coward?”

“He wouldn’t have understood—“

“Don’t give me that bullshit man he would have and you know it. Jared’s the best person I know, hell if you would have went back to him the next day he would have taken you back!”

“It’s different now…”

“How?”

“His happy.”

“No his not…I mean sure he has Everleigh and she makes him happy but his not happy like he was with you. You broke him Jensen I saw it.”

Jensen shut his eyes tightly and tipped his head back as flashes hit him “I know I did,” he whispered his voice clouded with emotion. “But I had to… I had to leave him I’m a hurricane Chris he deserved better.”

Chris scoffed on the other end “you’re an asshole you know that? If you just would have told him the truth—“

“Told him what? That I thought I was going to die so I left him?”

“You could have told him you have AFib Jensen damnit he would have taken care of you!”

“He didn’t need that pressure and he doesn’t need it now—“

“Your better Jensen you’re doing better this is all bullshit man you need to see him and tell him the truth, get your fucking family back!”

“You don’t get it! I knew he was pregnant Chris…I knew before he did and I knew I had to leave. I knew that if I died before that baby was born it would have killed him to, that baby wouldn’t have made it and it would be because of me. At least by leaving him I gave him a chance, he wouldn’t have to know I was sick, wouldn’t be living with the guilt.”

Chris sighed and made a noise “God Jensen…he still loves you.”

 

“How are you?”

Jared looked up at Sandy and smiled “I’m fine.”

She shook her head and sat down “how are you?”

The smile slipped from Jared’s face and a frown took over as he sighed “it’s crazy,” he whispered quietly making her lean in. “One day you wake up and realize the person you loved more than the world doesn’t love you anymore. You can’t breathe; it’s like your blind in a world you used to love. And he left me like that…blind, alone and empty.”

Sandy’s face scrunched in sadness as her hand slipped in Jared’s “Jared I—“

“There are moments where I think I’m over it, when I think I’m good to go and my heart is finally healing and then there’s days where all I can do is cry on my bathroom floor and ask myself why I wasn’t enough.”

“You were enough Jared—“

“No I wasn’t.” Jared turned to Sandy with red blurry eyes, tears staining his cheeks making her heart ache “why did he leave me Sandy?” he sobbed, his chest wracking with cries as he held onto her “I thought he loved me I—I thought we were forever and now…Everleigh doesn’t even know her dad.”

She wanted to tell him, she wanted to tell him that Jensen did love him, that he was still so in love with him and that he didn’t want to leave. She wanted to tell him he was sick, that he was an idiot.

Instead she wrapped her arms around him and let him cry on her as she pushed aside her guilt.

“Mommy!”

Jared grinned brightly and held his arms open as his little girl rushed into them letting out a giggle as Jared swung her around.

“Mommy I missed you!”

“Oh I missed you! Did you have fun with Uncle Chad?”

Everleigh nodded her head, her blonde pigtails bouncing “yeah! We stayed up wate and ate ice cream!”

Jared’s brows shot up as he looked over Eveleigh’s shoulder at a sheepish Chad “oh you did, did you? How late?”

“10!”

Jared laughed and sat Everleigh down “honey why don’t you run on inside and make sure the spaghetti is coming along.”

The little girl turned and skipped in the house and Jared turned to Chad “was she good?”

“She always is…so I talked to Sandy last night.”

Jared sighed and looked down at his feet “not right now Chad I just—I can’t do this right now.”

“Jaybird—“

“No Chad. It’s been four years and his still all I think about, dream about…I can’t do this anymore I can’t keep waiting on him. His not coming back. Now I’m gonna go inside and spend the rest of the night with my little girl I’ll talk to you later.”

Chad watched as Jared went inside, his eyes staying on him as he stood in the kitchen window with Everleigh.

Chad whipped his phone out and dialed a number “hey it’s me…listen where’s Jensen ?”


	4. We Meet Again

“Tell me why we’re going to town again?”

“Because,” Sandy said and flipped her hair hitting Chad in the eye and making him sputter “Mimi’s Café has this new coffee I’m dying to try.”

Jared rolled his eyes “and you couldn’t do this alone?”

“No.”

“You know I have a daughter to pick up in an hour.”

“And you’ll get there this won’t take long.”

They made it to the café and Jared groaned at the long line “are you kidding me? Can’t we just—“

“No! No this is gonna be worth it.”

Jared sighed and stood in line, ignoring the bell signaling another customer. “Listen I’m gonna go sit at a table just get me an iced coffee ok?”

Jared turned ready to find an empty table when he stopped cold, the breath leaving his body. There before him was a wide eyed Jensen Ackles.

Jared shut his eyes and held them tight, his fists clenched by his sides as he let out a shaky breath before opening them and gasping when Jensen was still there.

Jensen looked around him before gulping and shaking his hands out, a nervous habit he picked up in high school. He opened his mouth to speak but Jared shook his head and backed up closer to his friends “Jaybird—“

Jared turned to Chad and Sandy and frowned before looking back to Jensen “no…” Jared shook his head “you can’t do this to me.”

Jared willed his tears down as they struggled to seep out before he shoved past Jensen and took off running leaving a wounded Jensen and guilt ridden friends.

 

“Jared?”

“Go away!”

Chad sighed as he thumped his head on Jared’s front door and turned to Sandy with a frown “now what genius?”

“Hey don’t get mad at me—“

“Why not this was your idea, now Jared’s inside and his pissed.”

The door swung open and Jared stood in front of them with puffy red eyes and messy hair “your damn right I am! How the hell did you know he would be there? Why the hell was he there?”

“His in town on business.”

“And you didn’t tell me?”

“We figured you wouldn’t wanna know.”

Jared scoffed and shook his head before wiping at his eyes “this is bullshit…God did Chris set this up?”

Sandy cringed and looked down “I mean…he keeps Jensen updated on you.”

“Updated?” Jared gave a curt laugh “why the hell would Jensen want to be updated he left me remember?”

Sandy turned and shot Chad a look and he shook his head in warning “we don’t know Jay…but listen maybe you could—“

“Mommy?”

Jared turned as Everleigh strode up to him with the same messy hair “what’s wrong baby?”

“I can’t sweep.”

Jared gave her a teary smile before bending down and scooping her up in his arms “that’s ok baby you can sleep with mommy Uncle Chad and Aunt Sandy were just leaving.”

Chad and Sandy sighed as the door slammed in their faces “I blame you.”

Jensen stood in front of Jared’s door with sweaty hands and a hammering heart, his hand coming up to cover his chest in soothing.

He took a deep breath before knocking on the door, his heart landing in his throat when it opened to reveal a little girl with big emerald eyes and a long blonde braid.

“Who are you?”

Jensen smiled down at her and opened his mouth to answer—“

“Sweetie who’s at the doo—“

Jared froze his eyes boring into Jensen who looked down at his feet and backed up apprehensively “hey Jared.”

Jared stared a moment longer, agony written on his face before he cleared his throat and gently nudged his daughter back “Everleigh why don’t you go to your room and work on that reading?”

“But—“

“Now honey.”

The little girl huffed her hair blowing out of her face, reminding Jensen of a pouty Jared, but did as told leaving the men alone.

“What the hell are you doing here?”

“Jay I—“

“Don’t… don’t call me that.”

Jensen winced “I’m sorry…I’m not here for spite I’ve got a case and well I saw you the other day in the diner with Everleigh and she—she’s mine?”

Jared crossed his arms and bit his lip “she is…I found out the day you left me.”

Jensen recoiled back, he deserved that. He deserved all of this.

“Jared…if you would have told me I would have—“

“What? What would you have done Jensen? Come back out of guilt? I don’t need your pity I’ve done just fine without you and so has she.”

“I want to be in her life Jared I’m her father.”

“Since when! If anything you’re just a sperm donor Jensen you weren’t there for her! You weren’t there the day I found out, you weren’t there when I was throwing my guts up and you sure as hell weren’t there when she was born!”

“Because you didn’t tell me!”

“Why should I have told you? I come home with the best new I have ever received to find you packed and leaving! When was I supposed to tell you? When you were running out the door?”

“Jared listen I know what I did was wrong and I’m not asking you to forgive me but I am asking to meet my daughter… please.”

Jared closed his eyes and huffed like Everleigh moments ago and groaned “Everleigh sweetie come down here please!”

Jared waved Jensen inside with irritated hands and shut the door as Everleigh bounded down the stairs “yes mommy?”

Jared bent down on his knees and smiled at the little girl before brushing her hair back “I know this is going to sound weird but this is Jensen his…his your daddy.”

Everleigh looked up at Jensen with wide eyes before turning back to Jared who nodded at her. Everleigh stepped forward and cocked her head “you’re my daddy?”

Jensen gave her a breathless smile as he bent down “I am…I’m sorry I wasn’t here sooner.”

Everleigh bit her lip and looked down “are you why my mommy cries?”

Jared gasped and tugged Everleigh back by her overalls “We don’t say things like that sweetie—“

“But is he?”

Jensen felt like someone had punched him in the gut; an icy rain fell down on him at the crestfallen look Jared was giving him. “I hurt your mommy a long time ago Everleigh I was stupid and I made a mistake. I know that I’m not worth it and I don’t deserve your mommy’s forgiveness or yours but I would like to get to know you.”

Everleigh frowned to herself, her lips sticking out making Jensen think of Jared when he didn’t get his way.

“Ok…”

Jensen smiled and reached out his hand “hello I’m Jensen Ross Ackles and I’m your daddy.”

Everleigh smiled at him and giggled a little before taking his hand “I’m Everleigh Blake Padalecki, I’m 4 years old and I’m your dauwter.”

Jared grinned behind her and petted her blonde hair “good job honey…listen Jensen its getting late and she has to be up early in the morning for daycare—“

“I don’t wanna go!”

“Honey your lucky they let you back in, you’re going besides mommy has work.”

“Let her in?”

Jared sighed “she beat up a boy last week and they kicked her out.”

Jensen snorted and shook his head “sounds like you.”

A smile twitched on Jared’s lips before he cleared his throat and averted his eyes “anyway she has to go it’s her first day back and she’s not missing so,” Jared looked down and raised a brow at the girl “why don’t you go on up and brush those teeth and I’ll be up in a minute.”

Everleigh rolled her lip out but Jared just laughed and turned her towards the stairs “girl who do you think invented that? Get your little butt upstairs.”

Everleigh huffed as she stomped up and Jared turned back around and leaned against the wall “listen Jensen I don’t care that you want to see her that’s fine you have every right to and as much as I wanna keep you away I won’t but…you fucked up. You know that you fucked up. Your sorry I get it trust me I get it but you being sorry won’t change what you did. You being sorry won’t change the fact that you broke me. Everyone has a line Jensen and you crossed it and I don’t want to let you back over.”

Panic filled Jensen as he reached a hand up and clutched at his chest and made a face letting out a pain filled groan and Jared frowned “are you ok?”

“I’m fine I—do you think I could stop by tomorrow?”

“I guess that’ll be fine were usually home around 5 and I’ll start cooking dinner so you can come then.”

“Ok,” Jensen nodded and stuffed his hands in his pockets “bye Jared.”

“Goodbye Jensen .”


	5. Lies He Told

“You’re kidding?”

“Does it look like I’m kidding?”

Chad stared at Jared’s face a moment longer before shaking his head “no it doesn’t.”

Jared sighed and lay his head on his arms “it was so weird like…it was like he felt remorse? Or I don’t know like there was something he wanted to say but he couldn’t.”

Chad bit his lip and stretched his mouth wide before grumbling “maybe there’s more to it?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean why he left…you said yourself you saw it in his eyes he still loved you, maybe there’s more to it.”

“Like what? It’s been 4 years Chad.”

“Yes I know…I’m just saying have you ever wondered why? Like I don’t know maybe he was… sick.”

“Sick?”

“Yeah like he thought he might die sick…”

Jared scowled and leaned forward to glare at Chad with hateful eyes “What are you saying?”

Chad gulped and growled “ah fuck it… Jensen left you Jared because he was sick. He found out he had AFib and he freaked, he found out you were pregnant and he left because he didn’t want to leave you alone in case he died to care for the baby and he thought that by leaving you clueless and heartbroken would mean that if he did die you wouldn’t look for him.”

Jared blinked at Chad with wide, confused eyes before letting out a gasp of disbelief “are you telling me that Jensen left me because he was going to die?”

“The doctor told him Afib gets pretty bad and he had a high chance of blood clots or a stroke—“

“You knew about this? You all knew about this…you watched me cry myself to sleep for months, watched me die and you didn’t tell me?”

Jared stood up his chair flinging back and he let out a curse “I can’t believe you…you’re supposed to be my best friend!”

“Jaybird I’m sorry I—“

“No! No… I don’t wanna hear it I just… how could you do this to me? God I have spent four years trying to figure out why he left me, never being able to understand and all this time you knew? You all knew and let me believe he didn’t love me…God I can’t even look at you.”

Jared reached down and picked the chair up calmly before throwing a betrayed glare at Chad and walking out the door, slamming it shut behind him.

 

When Jensen showed up at 5 he didn’t even have time to knock before the door was swung open to reveal a very pissed off Jared.

His eyes were narrowed in rage and his lips were pursed, his face pinched as he reached out to grip Jensen’s arm and sent a hard shove his way knocking him back on the porch. “What the he—“

“I know.”

Jensen frowned in confusion and shook his head “know what?”

Jared rolled his eyes and scoffed “you’re a real piece of work you know that? Your suck a fucking asshole Jensen Ackles!”

“Ok Jared I really don’t know what your problem is—“

“My problem?” Jared laughed humorlessly and shook his head “you’re my problem Jensen. You know I had a lovely conversation with Chad today, my supposedly best friend, and he shed some light on a few things for me…like why you left.”

Panic filled Jensen. He shook his hands out, one reaching up to clutch at his heart as he shook his head hopelessly his feet backtracking “you… you know.”

Jared snarled in return “yeah I know…how could you do that to me Jensen? How could you think so lowly of me?”

“I didn’t—“

“Did you think I would leave you? That I wouldn’t take care of you? You thought you were gonna die so you what though leaving me would be best?” Jared scoffed and let out a small yell “you’re an asshole! Do you know how miserable I’ve been? For years wondering why I wasn’t enough for you?”

Jensen winced and stepped forward his hands out desperately “you have to know it wasn’t like that—“

“How? How am I supposed to know that Jensen? You left me alone and pregnant because you thought I would be better off. How fucking stupid are you? Dying or not I would have given anything to be with you! I loved you Jensen more than anything and you left me alone!”

This wasn’t going as planned, he never intended for Jared to find out the truth about his leaving and now here he was standing on the front porch while Jared ripped him a new one for everyone to see.

Fucking Chad.

“Jared if you’ll just let me explain—“

Jared held up his hand before clenching it shut and letting out a deep breath of anger “I don’t want to hear it Jensen,” all the fight flew from Jared and his shoulders slumped in defeat, tears filling his eyes and falling, droplets landing on the dark wooden porch.

Jensen could feel his heart breaking as he watched Jared shatter in front of him, this was his fault “Jay please I didn’t mean to hurt you I just I thought that without me you wouldn’t hurt if I did die…I got treatment when I got to LA and they hooked me on a machine and gave me some meds but I couldn’t go back after that Jared.”

Jared wiped at his face and looked up with red, drained eyes “you need to go Jensen. You can’t see Everleigh today…”

“But—“

“No. I’ll get Chris to meet you with her tomorrow at the park or something but I can’t—I can’t see you.”

Jensen felt his resolve breaking and he reached for Jared’s arm in a last frantic attempt “Jay please forgive me I lov—“

“No!” Jared yelled his hands coming up to cover his ears “I don’t, I can’t hear it. I don’t want to hear it Jensen because it’s a lie it’s always been a lie. Go please just go.”

He sent Jared one last pathetic glance but Jared just shook his head, tears flying from his eyes as he backed up and slammed the door in Jensen face leaving him there hopeless and crushed .


	6. Maybe

“You see him?”

Chris sighed and took his eyes away from Everleigh who was on the swings “yes I see him Jensen, regularly.”

“And you didn’t tell me?”

“What did you want me to say? His my friend to Jensen just because you left it didn’t change that, he needed support after you left he was a mess. “

Jensen shook his head and watched as his little girl laughed at a boy next to her who fell off his swing “you made it seem like you didn’t speak to him.”

“Jensen what’s this really about? The fact that he knows or that his talking to everyone but you?”

Jensen frowned “is he…I mean is he seeing anyone?”

Chris looked at him for a second before turning his head “there is a man who is interested in him but I don’t think Jared feels the same.”

“Who?”

“His name is Stephen they work together his been trying to get at Jared for a long time now, poor guy."

Jensen sneered “his a writer to?”

“Yeah he does some sports column or something like that; I don’t know Jared doesn’t talk about him much, just his endless attempts at flirting.”

“Has he been with anyone else?”

Chris shook his head silently and that was all the answer needed as Everleigh came running up to him and jumped in his lap.

 

“So you just ambushed him?”

Jared looked up with a scowl “what was I supposed to do? Let it go? I had to say something.”

“I’m just saying I think you could have handled it better.”

Jared looked over at Chad with a menacing glare “yeah says you. You and Sandy lied to me for 4 years you don’t get to tell me what I can and can’t do.”

Chad winced and leaned back “ok your right I can’t. I’m just saying his still sick, better or not and you should take it easy on him—“

“Since when are you on Jensen’s side?”

“I’m not on his side I never have been. I just don’t want the dude to have a stroke or something because then you would hurt even more. Listen Jared I know what he did was a dick move but Jensen’s not right in the head I tried to tell you that for years. He thought he was doing you a favor.”

“By leaving me?”

“He thought that if he left and something happened to him it would better because you wouldn’t know about it. You were pregnant he didn’t want to put that stress on you—“

Jared held up his hand and shook his head “wait…he knew I was pregnant? How the hell did he know that?”

Chad sighed and silently cursed himself for once again letting Jensen’s secrets slip “it was obvious man we all knew. You threw up every day, you were dizzy I mean come on he just knew. He loved you, he loves you and he didn’t want you to go through that when you had a baby to care for.”

Jared blinked down at his lap dumbly and leaned back against the couch “I think I need some water.”

 

Jensen knocked on Jared’s door at 7 with Everleigh In hand and a hopeful smile on his lips. Jared opened the door wide and smiled down at their daughter who threw herself at his legs “mommy we went to the pawk!”

Jared grinned as he lifted her up in his arms and pressed tiny kisses on her cheeks making her giggle “did you have fun with daddy and Uncle Chris?”

Everleigh nodded happily and bent forward in Jared’s arms to give Jensen a kiss on the cheek before wiggling down and running for the living room to play with Harley and Sadie.

Jared turned his head and looked down at the floor “thanks for getting her home early.”

Jensen nodded and tucked his hands in his pockets “no problem…listen Jared I wanted to apologize. I know you said you couldn’t forgive me and I—“Jensen frowned in discomfort and patted at his chest “I understand. But even if it doesn’t seem like it I did it for you…but I’m sorry and I—well I’ll see you Wednesday.”

Jared watched with heavy eyes as Jensen turned and walked down the steps and he let out a low curse “Jensen?”

Jensen whirled around with wide eyes “yes?”

“Do you—well Wednesday were making homemade pizza and… well do you wanna stay for dinner? I’m sure Everleigh would love it.”’

A smile stretched across Jensen’s mouth as he nodded up at Jared “I would love that… should I bring anything?”

“Just yourself… I have wine and beer here.”

Jensen nodded as Jared walked back towards the door “I’ll see you then.”

As it closed Jensen let his eyes close in happiness, his heart hammering inside his chest “I’ll see you then .”


	7. Promises

Jensen showed up on Wednesday with a bouquet of peonies in his shaking hands, Jared’s favorite flowers.

Jared opened the front door, his hair pulled back in a messy bun and looked down at the flowers with startled, unsure eyes “Jensen—“

“I know…I was walking past the market and I saw them. They don’t have to mean anything but a nice table decoration.”

Jared bit at his lip a bit more and sighed as he reached out for the flowers before allowing Jensen inside “Everleigh is in the living room why don’t you go get her and will start with the pizza.”

Jared turned and started for the kitchen leaving Jensen to finally get a look at his new house. It was two stories, the floors were a nice shiny hardwood and the walls were a pale blue… it was a traditional Rhode Island home.

He found Everleigh in the rustic living room lying on a wool rug with Sadie and Harley next to her Jensen grinned as the dogs looked up and seemed to have recognized him as they took off for his legs.

“They missed you daddy!”

Jensen grinned as he scratched the dog’s ears “I missed them…and I missed you to!” he leaned forward and pulled Everleigh in his arms, savoring her bright laugh as he threw her in the air.

“Your mommy is getting the pizza started why don’t we go help?”

She nodded eagerly and jumped down from his arms to lead him into the kitchen where Jared was lying out the dough “alrighty now what kind of pizzas are we making?” Jared asked as he lifted Everleigh and allowed her to look over the toppings.

“Bacon…and can—canad—“

“Canadian bacon?”

“Yes!”

Jared grinned and laid out her ingredients “and you Jensen?”

Jensen looked up into Jared’s ever changing eyes and found himself lost in them like so many times before “what she’s having is fine.”

Jared nodded and watched as Everleigh laid the sauce out on the dough with a smile and handed the cheese to her which she delicately sprinkled over the pizza.

They shoved the pizza in the oven and Everleigh jumped down from the counter and ran out of the kitchen leaving Jensen and Jared in an awkward silence.

“So…when do you go back to LA?”

Jensen looked up, surprised “oh well I’m not sure this case is taking longer than I thought.”

Jared nodded as he pulled the wine out of the fridge and poured himself a glass and handed Jensen a beer “and how do you plan on seeing Everleigh?”

“Well I thought I would come visit when I could and maybe I could have her some during the summer?”

Jared raised a brow at his as he sipped his wine “I guess will see…”

Jensen sighed and took a swig of his beer before biting at his lip when Jared broke the silence.

“You knew I was pregnant didn’t you?”

A shock ran through Jensen at Jared’s crippled voice. He looked up in trepidation and blinked “I did…”

Jared let out an unamused laugh and shook his head “this just keeps getting better…”

“You have to understand Jared I know it might not make sense to you but it did to me. I knew you were pregnant even before I found out I was sick but I didn't say anything because I wanted you to find out on your own but I was so happy. And then I went to the doctor for a normal checkup and found out I had Atrial Fibrillation and the doctor told me I had a high chance of stroke and blood clots that if not under control it could be fatal. I thought I was going to die Jared my heart was weak very weak and I didn’t want to die on you when you were trying to take care of a baby and I thought leaving would be better than me dying.”

Jared ran his fingers through his hair and wiped at his eyes as tears welled up “the day you left you killed me. I didn’t want Everleigh when you walked out that door, I didn’t want a reminder of you but I kept her because something in me told me to and then she was born and she was so beautiful and pure and I knew I loved her and even if you didn’t love me, even if you did leave me at least I had her, some part of you.”  
Jensen’s bottom lip trembled as he watched Jared catch his breath as tears streamed down his face “I’m sorry Jay I’ll never forgive myself for what I did but I thought I was doing it for you. I haven’t been with anyone else; I can’t because I’m still in love with you.”

Jared squeezed his eyes shut and let his head fall in his hands he wanted to forgive Jensen; he wanted to rush over and fall in his lap and feel his lips against his. But he was scared. What if Jensen left again? When this case was over Jensen would leave him.

The oven dinged and Jared jumped up thankful for the distraction and wiped at his eyes as he pulled the pizza out and called for Everleigh before he turned to Jensen. “I love you Jensen I always have and I always will but it’s not enough. I want it to be I want things to go back to the way they were but they can’t because you broke me. I keep telling myself you never loved me because it’s a far less terrifying thought than knowing that you did love me, truly and then one day you just stopped.”

“But I didn’t stop—“

“Is the pizza done?”

Jensen turned as Everleigh strode in and watched as Jared sucked up his tears and nodded with a fake smile “sure is honey why don’t you get some plates?”

She nodded happily and pranced over to the pantry and pulled out paper plates and grabbed herself a juice box before sitting next to Jensen with a big smile.

As they ate Jensen kept his eyes on Jared and watched as he tried his best not to look up and it crushed him. He knew he had hurt him, had broken his heart and maybe even took it with him but he was back and he had to fix this.

When dinner was over Jensen announced he should leave that he had files to run through so Everleigh kissed his cheek and told him she loved him and then headed upstairs to brush her teeth.

Jensen stood and turned to Jared “I know I hurt you and that hurt will always be there and nothing I can say or do will make it better. I know you doubt that I love you and I know you have many other prospects out there that want you, like Stephen, but know that I will always love you and I will do whatever I can to fix this.”

Jared blinked up at Jensen who sent him a small smile before turning and walking out the door .


	8. Boy Interrupted

Jensen was on his way out of the hotel to pick up Everleigh when a sharp pain struck inside his chest making him fall back to lean against the dresser with a pained groan.

He shook his head and gasped for breath as the pain grew more intense, his heart beating rapidly against his chest. His arm dropped and he fell to the floor as an intense pain took over him, wracking his body as darkness followed.

 

Jared checked his phone for the 5th time and shook his head with a groan. Jensen should have been here an hour ago and now he was sitting trying to comfort an upset Everleigh.

“It’s ok baby his just late.”

She looked up at him with big teary eyes “but why?”

As he opened his mouth to answer his phone rang, Chris flashing on the screen “hey listen where’s Jensen his late and—“

“Jared.”

He paused at Chris’s grave voice, a shiver running through him “what’s wrong?”

Chris sighed he could almost see him rubbing his temples “its Jensen he—his in the hospital.”

Panic surged through him as he stood up and made his way to the kitchen away from his daughter and gripped the counter “what? How? Is he ok?”

“He wasn’t answering his phone so I got worried and went to check on him, I found him past out in his room. The doctors think he had an episode, his been under some stress and with the emotional tension his been going through it all got to him.”

Jared closed his eyes and tried to will his worry down “but his ok?”

“Yeah his knocked out right now the doc is checking for blood clots or signs of a stroke but more than likely his heart just got to excited and freaked out but his—“

“I’m on my way…I’ll get chad to come watch Everleigh and I’ll be there in 20 minutes.”

 

Jared burst through the doors 15 minutes later with wide eyes and sweaty palms as Chris spotted him and came up to grip his arm “what’s happening?”

“The doc just came out he said he had an episode, he hasn’t had one in a while so he was a little concerned with the pressure his been under. He also said there was a tiny clot near his heart that he was worried about but their gonna take care of it.”

Jared clutched his shirt and took a deep breath willing himself to calm down “can—can I see him?”

Chris nodded and smiled “his right through that door, his still asleep.”

Jared nodded as he pushed past the door and stopped short at the sight of a pale Jensen. He laid in the bed hooked up to various machines, a heart monitor attached to his chest and his own heart jerked at the sight.

No matter the pain Jensen had caused him he still couldn’t bear to see him this way. He walked over and sat next to him his hand reaching out for Jensen’s but he paused and jerked it back quickly.

Jared winced and looked down at his lap before taking a deep breath and lifted his hand back up and took Jensen’s “it’s my fault…you’re here because of me and I’m so sorry Jen.”

Tears fell from Jared’s eyes and dropped heavily on Jensen’s hand as Jared sobbed his face falling forward to hit the bed as he cried.

Jensen stirred, his head was pounding and his heart felt like it would burst out of his chest. His eyes were blurry as they opened but once they cleared they landed on a crying Jared and his heart hurt more.

He lifted his other hand and let it land on Jared’s head making him snap up “don’t cry,” he croaked his voice rough.

Jared blinked before standing “should I get the doctor?”

Jensen frowned and reached out for Jared’s hand “what’s wrong?”

Jared let out a wet cough “what’s wrong? You’re lying in a hospital bed Jensen and it’s my fault.”

“It’s not your fault—“

“But it is. I put you under too much stress, I’ve said things that I shouldn’t but I just wanted you to know how I feel and maybe that was a bad idea—“

“No I want you to tell me how you feel Jared I know I hurt you and you deserve to say it.”

“But I—“

Jensen sat up carefully “no I don’t wanna hear it Jared I deserve it I’ve been dealing with this Jared AFib is a part of my life I’m used to this.”

Jared sniffed “I want to hate you so much, you broke me, you ruined my spirit and made me doubt myself no one has ever made me feel as low as you did the day you walked out that door. I missed you for so long in so many ways that it became a part of me. I would wake up and instantly move to your side to find you. Everyone told me to let you go but I couldn’t because how do you tell your heart to stop beating?”

Jensen closed his eyes “I love you. I know I’m a disappointment and I know I broke you and I don’t think before I act. But I want you to know that in a life time of stupid decisions and wrong turns you are the only thing that’s ever felt right. And I’m hoping if you’ll let me I can prove to you how much I love you and want you and Everleigh in my life. I don’t know what’s going to happen to us but I do know that I’m all in here and now until I’m buried in the dirt. No matter how hard it gets or how scared we might get I’m not leaving you ever again.”

Jared let out a wet cry and buried his face in his hands before he looked up and moved closer to Jensen’s bed and laid his head on his lap and sobbed “please don’t…don’t leave me.”

Jensen heart clenched and he reached down and pulled Jared up to lay next to him and rolled the man to lay on his chest and held him tight “never Jay, never again .”


	9. Memories

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My fav. chapter so far.

Jared and Jensen decided slow was the best policy in their case so Jensen could regain Jared’s trust. Jensen would come over three days a week to see Everleigh and he would have dinner with them, and slowly Jared was opening up to him.

He knew it would take a while for Jared to fully trust him again, he knew Jared still didn’t fully comprehend Jensen’s reason for leaving, he didn’t understand. When Jensen was released from the hospital the doctor told him to take it easy which meant he wouldn’t be working on his case for at least a week.

It was Friday night. Every Friday Jared and Everleigh try to have a movie night together, usually Chad or Sandy come over to watch as well but tonight Jared told them to stay home and had invited Jensen instead.

So Jensen arrived at 7 and they had Chinese takeout together before Jared threw in a bag of popcorn while Everleigh searched through their movies and immediately pulled out Beauty and the Beast to which Jared grinned.

Jensen snorted and rolled his eyes “like mother like daughter.”

“Don’t mock her movie choice, it’s a classic.”

“To you it is.”

Everleigh turned and looked at her dad with a raised brow and a hand on her hip “mommy’s right it’s a cwassic.”

Jared beamed and nodded as he plopped down on the couch, Everleigh sitting between them “you heard the girl.”

3 movies later and two bowls of popcorn Jared lifted a sleeping Everleigh in his arms and rose slowly before turning to Jensen “its late and your tired why don’t you just stay here tonight?”

Jensen gulped and pressed his sweaty hands against his pants “sure, sure I could I mean I can sleep on the couch.”

“You don’t have to—“

“No I do I mean were taking it slow and I don’t wanna rush you into anything or make you think that I just wanna get in bed with you which I do I mean I don’t! I mean—“

Jared looked down with a tickled smile and decided to put Jensen out of his misery “I mean you can sleep in the guest room.”

Jensen blushed and smiled awkwardly “right…guest room.”

Jared turned with a soft laugh and made his way to Everleigh’s powder blue room, Jensen right behind him.

He laid her in bed and tucked her in before gently kissing her forehead and pressing his nose to her cheek “goodnight angel, dream of far off lands and beautiful princesses.”

He leaned back and brushed her hair away from her face and watched with a fond smile as Jensen kissed her cheek and fixed her canopy before he led him to the guest room.

“There are some extra pajamas in there if you want them and the bathroom is through that door… if you need anything I’m down the hall.”

Jared looked down and fidgeted “ok well… goodnight.”

“Goodnight.”

2 hours later and he still couldn’t sleep.

Jensen let out a frustrated huff and rolled over, leaning up on his elbow as he took in the pictures on the nightstand next to him.

A picture of Jared with Sadie and Harley sat next to him and he grinned…he remembered that picture; they were juniors in college then.

Jensen frowned to himself and threw the covers back before creeping into the hall and peeking into Everleigh room. Her star nightlight shown dimly next to her bed highlighting her blonde hair making Jensen smile.

He then turned to peer at Jared’s bedroom door and started for it before stopping and shaking his head and instead making his way down stairs where he stood in front of the end table filled with pictures.

Pictures of a very pregnant Jared, pictures of him with his friends and pictures of a laughing Everleigh. He smiled sadly as he caught sight of a picture with Jared cradling a newborn baby in his arms; she probably was just a week old in the photo. Jared looked so beautiful, his hair framing his face and an affectionate smile on his lips.

As he reached for the photo his hand stopped on another.

It was a picture of their sophomore year in college they had just gotten together a couple months earlier. They stood in the middle of Chad and Chris, others surrounding them but the only thing he could focus on was Jared. He was wearing a sunny blissful smile, his head tipped back and leaning toward Jensen and his eyes closed, his hair blowing in the wind and Jensen stood next to him his face turned towards Jared, his eyes zeroed in on Jared’s smile an adoring grin on his lips and his own eyes filled with such love and affection.

He remembered that day; he had just gotten the courage to tell Jared he loved him not moments before this photo. Jared had looked at him with wide eyes, tears shining in them when their friends ruined the moment and demanded a photo. Jared had grinned before the picture was snapped and whispered his own love back to Jensen.

He had met Jared their freshman year of college when they both shared a British Lit class together. Jensen was completely clueless when it came to Shakespeare, had no idea what the guy was blabbing on about. But Jared ever sweet Jared was in love with the confident and romantic words he spoke and ended up having to tutor Jensen. Long hard hours where Jared would rant on and on about the wonderful writings, telling him to look deeper into the words and Jensen would stare on, watching as Jared lost himself in the past till he would reach over and smack him on the head with a book.

Truth be told he fell in love with him not long after that.

“Jensen?”

Jensen turned and faced a sleepy Jared, his eyes were lidded and his hair was mussed “what are you doing down here?”

Jensen turned back to the photos and pointed “I was just…I couldn’t sleep.”

Jared came down the steps and rubbed at his eyes as he caught sight of the photo “I couldn’t get rid of it…no matter what pain you caused me that was one of the happiest days of my life. You were practically shaking when you told me you loved me—“

“I wasn’t—“

Jared turned and made a face and Jensen flushed “ok I was but I was nervous…Jared you were so special. You were witty and bright and God so smart and so fucking gorgeous I was intimidated. The first time I met you, you told me I was a pompous idiot with no taste in literature.”

“Because you were.”

Jensen grinned as he thumbed the edge of the frame “even still I fell in love with you and for some odd reason you did to.”

“I fell in love with you because you were you. You never tried to be anyone but yourself, you were nice and funny and so shy, willing to do anything for anyone of course I didn’t see that at first but when I did I knew you were the one.”

Jensen winced and turned “I’m sorry I know I’ve said it a thousand times but I’ll never stop…how could I erase this moment? How could I forget?”

Jared cocked his head and gave him a sad smile “you didn’t forget you did what I wanted you to you never forgot. When you first left I prayed you wouldn’t forget for spite, that you would remember every detail of our lives and that it would haunt you. And then I prayed you wouldn’t forget because I couldn’t forget…I couldn’t forget how much I loved you. I kept all our photos when all I wanted was to rip them up but I couldn’t because I was happy.”

Jared closed his eyes and sniffed before pulling out another photo of him and Everleigh “she’s only a couple days old here. When I went into labor I was so scared not because of the pain but because I didn’t have you. I didn’t know how I was going to do this alone, how was I gonna take care of a baby by myself? And after a long 14 hours of pure torture she was there…you know it’s funny I never thought you could love someone you just met but I should have known better, because I loved you. She was so small 6 pounds even and her eyes hadn’t even opened yet and I prayed they looked like yours. So many times I wanted to pick up the phone and call you, tell you about her tell you how gorgeous she was but I couldn’t.”

Jensen placed a hand on Jared’s shoulder and stroked a tan spot with his thumb “so many times I wanted to come back Jay, hell as soon as I walked out that door I wanted to run back and beg for your forgiveness. I know what I did was crazy and it makes no sense but I thought I was protecting you; I thought I was a goner. And then I was still alive but I knew it was too late the damage was done and I couldn’t go back. I dreamt of you every night, dreamt of our child and wondered if it was a boy or a girl, did it look like you or me? And I deserved those thoughts because I left you alone to care for our baby.”

Jared sighed and backed up before looking up with a tired smile “things happened, things that shouldn’t have but they did. I haven’t fully forgiven you Jen but I will I just need time but I know one thing for sure and it’s that I still love you. I’m telling you this because I think you need to know but note that I won’t say it again until were ready. Now get your ass upstairs and go to bed were making a big breakfast in the morning and I’ll need your help.”


	10. Dates and Memories

“So he’s taking you out on a date?”

Jared smiled to himself and shook his head “yeah…I’m a little nervous to be honest.”

“Why? It’s not like you two didn’t spend 8 years together.”

Jared grimaced at Chad “yeah but this is different I mean were starting all over, everything is new the pain is still fresh and we have to relearn everything.”

Chad grinned and shook his head as he leaned back against the couch, his eyes watching with amusement as Everleigh chased after Harley their big dog seemingly annoyed. “Jay I was there when you met Jensen, I saw how happy you were before you even knew it yourself you have nothing to worry about. I know he hurt you and I know we lied to you and were all sorry for what we did but it’s time to put that in the past and focus on the future.”

 

2 hours later and Everleigh had left with Chad for the night ready and hyped to spend the night with her favorite uncle and probably engorge an insane amount of sweets to which Jared would have to deal with the next day.

After an hour of running around like a lunatic Jensen knocked on the door and Jared threw it open somewhat frazzled. Jensen was dressed down in dark jeans and a sharp button up and Jared felt his mouth water at the sight.

Jensen beamed at him and looked him up and down with satisfied eyes “you look beautiful Jay…but you always do.”

Jared blushed and cleared his throat as he stepped out of the house and took Jensen’s open hand following him down to his car where Jensen held the door for him just like their first date.

“Where are we going?”

Jensen wiggled his brows and grinned at him “you’ll see.”

“Jen you know I hate surprises—“

“Never stops me does it?”

Jared rolled his eyes but couldn’t hide a tiny smile, no it never did stop him from trying over and over to surprise him. He turned to look out the window, Chris Stapleton playing softly in the background.

They pulled up to Local 121 and Jared’s jaw dropped as he whirled around to look at Jensen “Jen no way this place is to expensive—“

Jensen titled his head and gave him a look “Jared I know how much it costs, I also know how many times we passed this place and you were dying to try it. Well I have the money now and were going so get your cute butt out of the car.”

Jared’s heart heated as he climbed out and took Jensen’s offered hand, a soft smile on his face as they walked into the dimly lit restaurant, posh radiating through the place and Jared knew they were about to easily spend one hundred in there.

“Order whatever you want.”

Jared snorted as he looked over the menu “you know how many times you’ve said that to me?”

Jensen smiled and looked up with cheerful eyes “at least a million times?”

“Do you remember the first time you took me out?”

Jensen closed his eyes and grinned at the memory “of course I do…I thought I was going to throw up on you.”

Jared tipped his head back and laughed before shaking his head “I almost pushed you in the water—“

“Yeah thanks for that!”

“Hey it wasn’t my fault you kept staring at me and it was creeping me out.”

“Maybe because I couldn’t believe you agreed to go out with me?”

Jared smiled and ducked his head, his bangs falling in his eyes as he took a sip of his drink. “Despite your nerves and minor staring problem you did a good job that night…I didn’t want it to end.”

Jensen reached across the table and took Jared’s hand in his own “neither did I… hell I practically begged you to let come up with you, even if it was just to sleep.”

“I wanted to see how serious you were about me first, trust me I wanted to let you come up but you meant more to me than that.”

Jensen grinned at him and stood up “come on, there’s one more place we gotta go.”

They ended up downtown in Waterplace Park the streets littered with people and loud haunting music and Jared’s eyes widened as he took in the location.

“Jensen this is…this is—“

“Where we had our first date.”

The Sublime Waterfire festival. Jensen had taken Jared here on their first date when they were 19, bonfires floated along the river basin, people danced and they laughed.

Jared’s eyes welled with tears and he let out a laugh as he wiped them “I don’t even know why I’m crying.”

Jensen smiled and tugged at Jared’s hand pulling him to the water’s edge and they watched as a small fire floated past them, a breeze flowing through Jared making his hair blow in the wind, creating an angelic halo.

Jensen turned and watched as Jared grinned, leaning over the bridge to stare into the dark water his eyes happy and relaxed. 

“Do you wanna dance?”

Jared turned with wide, startled eyes “you never dance…”

Jensen smiled tenderly and reached for Jared’s hand and pulled him to the brick walk, his hands winding around Jared’s lithe waist allowing Jared’s to wrap around his neck.

“I do for you.”

They moved softly to JP Cooper, their eyes closed and their hearts beating wildly in their chests.

Jensen pressed his fore head to Jared’s and ran a hand up his spine savoring as Jared shivered under his touch just like he used to. Jensen opened his eyes to see Jared still had his closed and took the time to soak him in.

Jared was still as striking as the day Jensen had met him, time had been kind to him these past 4 years but Jensen didn’t expect anything less. Jared was perfection and he always had been.

Where Jensen was grumpy and rough around the edges Jared was bubbly and full of life never leaving a dull moment in his wake.

Till Jensen took that away from him.

He knew he still had a ways to go, he knew there was still much to forgive but he would make it through, he wouldn’t give up.

He was home now and he wasn’t leaving.

When they got home Jensen walked a drowsy Jared to his door a serene smile on his face and brightness in his eyes as he leaned against the door.

“Thank you Jensen really I—I haven’t had this much fun in a long time.”

Jensen flinched faintly before covering it with a smile “me to Jay… listen I got some work stuff tomorrow, files I have to go over but can I come over when I’m done?”

Jared bit his lip as he smiled “of course…”

Jensen watched as Jared fidgeted and he knew the nerves were kicking in flashes to their first kiss popped in his mind—clumsy and unsure but perfect in so many ways as Jensen tried and failed to slant his head just right, wanting to impress Jared and just ended up embarrassing himself as Jared laughed but reached back for him and kissed him with such passion Jensen almost fainted.

This time he would be sure.

He stepped closer and reached up to cup Jared’s face watching as Jared’s eyes fluttered in waiting and Jensen grinned before he pressed their lips together letting a sigh leave him.

4 years without kissing Jensen had Jared almost collapsing in his arms, the kiss was soft and sweet no tongue and no rush but it left Jared wanting more.

Jensen pulled back and smiled as he pressed their foreheads together “I’m not gonna ask if I can come up because this time I’m gonna do this right, I’m gonna show you I love you Jared and then when were ready then maybe I’ll ask. Until then,” he leaned in and pecked Jared’s forehead “I’ll see you tomorrow sweetheart, sleep well.”

With that he flashed Jared one more heart stopping smile and headed down for his truck leaving Jared shaking on the front porch .


	11. Family Outing

“Everleigh hurry up daddy will be here soon!”

Jared stopped by the stairs as he listened to Everleigh rattle up above, more than likely racing around trying to find the perfect shoes.

“Ok mommy!”

Jared smiled and shook his head as the door bell rung and smoothed his shirt out before flinging it open grinning as Jensen stood before him with a similar smile. Jensen leaned forward and planted a small kiss on his waiting lips and stepped inside “where’s my girl?”

Jared shook his head “I’ll go get her.”

When he walked in Everleigh’s room she was bent over looking under her bed, her hair falling in her face “honey what are you doing?”

She looked up and pouted “I can’t find my pink shoes.”

“Which pair?”

“The conv—the conwerse.”

“Your converses?”

She nodded and rubbed at her eyes and Jared smiled as he walked over and picked up and sat her on her bed before walking to her closet and pulling the shoes out. She grinned and clapped happily as Jared slid them on her feet “how’d you know mommy?”

“Mommy knows all sweetie now stand up and let me fix your hair.”

Jared leaned over and grabbed a brush off her night stand and brushed through her long hair quickly before twisting it into a dutch braid. “Alright pretty girl are we ready for the zoo?”

She jumped up and down and took Jared’s hand and started yanking him down the stairs in excitement making Jensen laugh as they came into view “what’s the hurry?”

“I wanna see monkey’s daddy!”

“I’m looking at one right now!”

Everleigh giggled and shook her head “I not a monkey daddy!”

“I was talking about your mother.”

Jared rolled his eyes as his family laughed at him and he pulled his shoes on “I’m leaving with or without y’all.”

Jensen lifted Everleigh up and chased after him with a playful smile “oh don’t be mad love you can be my monkey.”

“Stuff it Ackles.”

They arrived at the zoo and Everleigh practically jumped out of her car seat in anticipation so Jared pulled her to a halt before they walked in and gave her a firm look “now listen when we go in here you make sure your holding mine or daddy’s hand at all times got it?”

She nodded and reached for his hand “got it mommy.”

They wandered through the zoo watching with loving smiles as Everleigh bounded around her eyes wide open as she passed by the animals, stopping briefly to stare at them in awe and move onto the next one. A couple hours later Jared watched as Everleigh opened her mouth and let out a long yawn “you tired sweetie?”

She blinked up at him with tired eyes and held her arms open and Jared reached down and lifted her in his own. He turned to Jensen and smiled “I think maybe we should head home, it’s past her nap time anyway.”  
Jensen nodded and reached down and rubbed at Everleigh’s back “sounds good…maybe we can order take out tonight?”

“I would like that…Chinese?”

Jensen smiled and rolled his eyes as they walked from the zoo “still obsessed with Chinese food I see.”

“It’s hard not to be,” Jared countered as he buckled a sleeping Everleigh in her car seat.

When they arrived home Jensen carried Everleigh to bed and tucked her in with a smile before walking back downstairs to find Jared on the phone ordering an obscene amount of Chinese food.

“Do you really think will eat all that?”

“Even if we don’t I’ll have left overs.” Jared grinned toothily at Jensen who in return rolled his eyes and ruffled Jared’s long hair. 

Jared leaned back and jumped on the counter stifling a smile as Jensen parted his legs and fitted himself between them, his hands smoothing over Jared’s thighs. “”Your cuteness kills me.”

Jared giggled and fluttered his lashes playfully “I have that effect on people.”

Jensen leaned up and brushed his lips against Jared’s his playful demeanor dropping as he breathed in a shaky sigh “you gonna kiss me or not?”

Jensen huffed out a laugh and pressed their lips together in a slow sweet kiss, his hands coming up to cup Jared’s angled cheeks.

Jared’s head shot up as the doorbell rang and he pushed a pouting Jensen back and jumped down and made his way to the door.

He came back in with bags of food and Jensen laughed “Jay that’s fucking crazy.”

“I like food! There’s nothing wrong with that!”

“Should we wake Everleigh?”

Jared pursed his lips and looked up the stairs before shaking his head as he took the containers out “nah when she wakes up she can eat, she’s had a long day she should rest.”

“She won’t sleep tonight.”

Jared snorted and gave Jensen a look “that just proves you haven’t been around. Our daughter is just like me no matter how many naps she takes she can always fall asleep the child sleeps like the dead.”

Jensen looked down and fiddled with the soup container and Jared paused and looked up “you ok Jen?”

He sent up a shaky smile “yeah I just it’s the little things you know? I mean something as small as how long she sleeps and I’m feeling all sentimental.”

Jared smiled and came over to wrap his arms around Jensen’s neck, his fingers curling around the nape “Jen we’ve talked about this you missed a lot but your gonna make up for it and that’s all that matters besides the girl sleeps like me and you had me in your life for 8 years…you didn’t miss anything she’s pretty much my clone.”

Jensen smiled and squeezed Jared’s arms gently “I love you Jay.”

Jared swallowed and took a deep breath “I love you to Jen…can we eat now?”


	12. First Time

Jared watched with bright eyes as Everleigh bounced around the room, her dolls in hand as she packed things up. 

“Sweetie are you sure you’re ok staying with Uncle Chad?”

Everleigh looked up at him with confused eyes “its fwiday…I aways with Unca Chad.”

Jared closed his eyes and cursed himself for being so stupid “right…sorry honey I guess mommy’s just a little wiped today.”

Everleigh smiled happily and walked over, reaching up with chubby hands and holding Jared’s face as she kissed his cheeks bringing a smile out on his face. “It’s ok Mommy I wove you.”

Jared reached down and pulled the little blonde girl in his arms and squeezed her tight as he pressed tiny kisses to her own cheeks “and I love you munchkin!”

“Am I interrupting?”

Jared looked up and grinned at Chad “nah we were just packing, honey you ready?”

Everleigh nodded determined and picked her bag up and held her hands up to Chad who laughed and bent down to pick her up “I am powerless against you sweet cheeks.”

Chad looked up at Jared and raised an eyebrow with a curious look on his face before he sat Everleigh down “honey why don’t you go downstairs and say goodbye to Harley and Sadie while I talk to your mommy ok?”

Everleigh turned and ran down the stairs and Chad turned on Jared “alright what’s up?”

Jared frowned “what do you mean?”

Chad scoffed “wow I’m your best friend you think I don’t know when somethings bothering you? Now spill the beans.”

Jared sighed and sat down on Everleigh’s bed “nothing wrong…Jensen’s coming over tonight.”

Chad’s brows furrowed in confusion “ok so what’s the problem?”

Jared opened his mouth and closed it again and gave Chad a look. Once it dawned on him Chad raised his brows before he burst out into laughter making Jared huff “I’m sorry Jaybird I am it’s just,” Chad snorted to himself. “It’s just your acting like some dainty virgin I mean come on it’s not like you’ve never had sex before and with Jensen.”

“Yeah but it’s different.”

“How so?”

“Because his the only person I’ve ever had sex with and he broke my heart that’s why.”

Chads shoulders slouched and he sighed knowingly as he made his way over and plopped down next to Jared “I see…your scared.”

“Of course I’m scared! I know I’ve forgiven Jensen I know why he did what he did but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt anymore. I love him to the point where it hurts and I know it’s not healthy it’s like a fire coursing through my veins and in the end it might kill me, I might get hurt again what if he decides this isn’t what he wants? What if he breaks me again?”

Chad placed his hand on Jared’s shoulder and sighed sadly “oh Jay… you know that’s not going to happen—“

“Do I? I mean he did this once what if he does again? I mean his still sick right? What if he up and leaves me again? He didn’t trust me enough the first time—“

“He did Jared he did trust you more than life itself but he was a coward ok? We both know that and he knows that but you can’t hold this against him your whole life it’s not healthy for either of you. You need to let it go Jay you need to let it go and move on.”

Jared closed his eyes and tipped his head back “your right I know your right…I’m just being paranoid.”

“You have every right to be but you shouldn’t worry Jay everything’s going to be fine.”

Jared looked up and smiled weakly and bumped his shoulder against Chad’s “thank you.”

“Hey it’s what I do,” Chad smirked and stood up “now if you excuse me I have a movie night to attend to with a lovely little lady.”

 

An hour later and Jensen was standing in his kitchen making an absolute mess “Jen this place looks like hell.”

Jensen flushed and smiled at him sheepishly as she stirred the sauce on the stove “you know I’m a messy cook.”

Jared laughed and shook his head “I know your burning the sauce.”

Jensen’s eyes widened and he looked down to the blackening pasta sauce “shit!” he jerked the pan off the stove and threw it in the sink spraying the cold water on it.

Jared snorted, his body shaking as he laughed loudly making Jensen pout “oh shut up! I just wanted to do something nice you know I’m no good at this.”

Jared jumped down from the counter and took Jensen’s hand and tugged him close “Jen it doesn’t matter we can order in—“

“We always order in.”

“Or I can cook?”

Jensen pursed his lips and sulked before nodding his head making Jared grin and lean forward to softly peck his lips “good…now can you get the white wine from the fridge please?”

Jensen did as told and watched as Jared shoved his mess aside and placed a new pan on the stove grabbing the wine from Jensen and pouring some in the pan. He twisted around Jensen and pulled out some chicken and pulled down his seasonings and sprinkled some before tossing it in the pan.

Jensen watched as Jared gracefully glided across the kitchen reaching for things he needed and Jensen was once again blown away by how easy Jared made everything look. Once upon a time Jared had wanted to be a chef and open up his own restaurant but that was before he fell in love with literature which had eventually won is heart.

“I forgot how good of a cook you were.”

Jared raised a brow “I take that as an insult who could forget my cooking?”

 

Jensen rolled his eyes as he grabbed two wine glasses and poured himself some white wine “and there goes the ego.”

“You wanna talk about ego? Do you remember junior year when that girl told you that you reminded her of some porn star?”

Jensen blushed and shook his head “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Oh? Well I do she said she wondered if your dick was—“

“Ok! Jesus can we not?”

Jared giggled as he plated the dishes and smirked before pushing Jensen his watching with satisfied eyes as he took a bite and melted.

“That’s what I thought.”

When dinner was over Jensen looked around helplessly before clearing his throat and standing “well I guess I better go.”

Jared looked down and bit his lip before standing and walking over to Jensen, looking up with fluttering lashes “I thought maybe you could stay.”

Jensen inhaled sharply “you—are you sure?”

Jared nodded as he reached for Jensen’s hand tugging him to the stairs “I’m sure.”

Jensen followed in a trance as Jared led him to his bedroom. They both stood in front of each other motionless as they took in each others appearance.

Finally Jensen couldn’t take it anymore and reached out with cautious hands and slid them up Jared’s bare skin as he removed his shirt. He slowly removed their clothing letting Jared stop him if he wished till he had him laid out on the bed.

It seemed Jared still took his breath away, even more beautiful than he had been 4 years ago if possible making his mouth water. He cleared his throat “are you sure?”

Jared smiled and reached up to wind his arms around Jensen’s neck “I’ve been sure.”

Jensen grinned and leaned down and melted their mouths together in a fiery kiss making him shake to the core. This kiss seemed different than their others, it held more passion, and more fire and fervor making Jensen wither against Jared.

He jerked back, his body shaking and Jared ran his hands down his arms “you ok?”

“Yeah I just,” he laughed breathlessly “God I’ve missed you so much.”

Jared smiled softly and reached up to trail his fingers down Jensen’s cheek making his eyes close at the touch “I’ve missed you to.”

Jensen reached down and pulled Jared’s thighs apart and reached for his hole but Jared stopped him “no I—I want to feel you…please?”

Jensen opened his mouth to protest but he froze and instead smiled before reaching for a condom and sliding it ok his eyes looking up in question once more. When Jared smiled back at him he took a deep breath and pushed into the tight heat.

They both let out broken moans as Jensen slid in, the feeling of him coming home overwhelming him after so long.

“I don’t—I don’t think I’m gonna la—“

“Me either,” Jared panted his hands scratching at Jensen’s back making him groan in need.

Once he started moving their desperation picked up and they were clutching at each other like they might disappear. Jared arched up, his head tipped back and Jensen leaned down and latched on his mouth sucking hotly at Jared’s neck.

Jared reached up with one hand to grip the headboard and the other held onto Jensen’s arm in a death grip—high pitched whines leaving him as Jensen rocked into him sweetly. Their hips moved together in a rhythm, Jensen’s calloused hands moving along his sweaty body in an addicting touch.

 

Jensen moved till their foreheads pressed together, their breaths mingling together as their lips touched openly. Jensen brought a hand up to wrap in Jared’s hair and he tugged watching with satisfaction as Jared’s eyes closed and he let out a delicious moan.

“F—fuck Jen please—“

Jensen smirked and thrusted harder “please what baby? Gotta tell me.”

Jared shook his head desperately his mouth coming to bob open as he arched up and let out a long sultry moan, white streaks coming to splatter on Jensen chest.

Jensen groaned at the sensual sight and leaned down his hands gripping Jared’s thighs hard, his head coming to rest on Jared’s neck as he let himself go and came deep within Jared.

He rolled off and smiled tiredly as Jared rolled over on him his face nuzzling in his neck “I love you Jen.”

“I love you baby…I love you so much.”


	13. Broken

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry :)

Jensen’s head fell in his hands as soon as his boss stepped out of his temporary office. He knew this would be coming sooner or later.

His boss back in LA informed him the case was being dismissed therefore it was time for him to head back home. He tried telling his boss he would appreciate it if he could be transferred to the Rhode Island office but his bosses face darkened and told him that wouldn’t happen.

So Jensen’s options were to be fired or go back to LA and leave his family behind.

He and Jared were finally themselves again, back to their old ways and it felt great and now Jensen would have to tell him the bad news.

But he still needed to figure out what he was going to do.

He loved Jared and he couldn’t imagine leaving him again or his daughter. He felt like Jared had finally forgiven him and put the past behind him.

It had been two weeks since they had first made love and after that Jensen had pretty much moved in. He checked out of the hotel he was occupying after Jared told him he hated imaging Jensen living out of his suit case and from then on he just stayed.

When he moved to LA and got his job he had been eternally grateful. When he got to LA he was ragged and filled with heartache and just happened to run into his boss walking down the street, the guy had pitied him and given him a job.

And now 4 years later he was the best lawyer at the firm his boss would fire him before he would lose him.

If Jensen were to leave now he knew he would be giving up his dream job, he would have to find another firm here in Rhode Island and the pay wouldn’t be as good or the benefits.

He would give up his home in LA and the friends he had made.

Jensen came home that evening resigned and beaten up over the choice he had to make. 

He found Jared in the kitchen with Everleigh by his side as always a big grin on her face as she watched her mom stir the brownie batter they would have for dessert.

 

Jared turned as Jensen sat his bag down and a bright smile lit up his face “hey Jen you’re just in time for dinner.”

Jensen gave him a weak smile and sat down at the table, his arms opening wide as Everleigh jumped down from the counter and threw herself at him “hi daddy!”

“Hey baby girl you been good for mommy?”

Everleigh nodded her head rapidly, her pigtails bouncing “yes daddy! We makin bwonies.”

Jensen grinned and sat her down “honey why don’t you go watch cartoons while I talk to mommy?”

Jared turned with a concerned frown “what’s wrong?”

Jensen sighed and tilted his head back “my boss came to visit today.”

Jared’s face wilted and he leaned against the counter “oh?”

“He told me the case was dismissed and it was time to head home…I told him I would like to be transferred to the Rhode Island office but he said no.”

“No? He said no?”

“Yep…I’m the best lawyer his got Jay his not gonna let me go.”

Jared scoffed and turned his head “so what? What are you gonna do?”

“I don’t know.”

Jared whipped around with a shocked face “you don’t know? Jensen you told me you were staying and now you don’t know?”

“Jay it’s not that simple—“

“No it is actually. Jensen you came back here with this big speech about how much you miss me how much you love me and now you’re telling me you don’t know if you wanna stay?”

“It’s not that—“

“Yes it is.” 

Jared looks up slowly, his eyes drowning in tears and lets out a laugh. Slowly their eyes meet and Jensen flinched at what he saw in them, so much hurt and betrayal it chilled him to his core. Jared choked back a sob and the mask fell from his face and all Jensen wanted to do was rush over to him and pull him in his arms but he didn’t because this was his fault.

“You promised you wouldn’t leave me again, that you wouldn’t leave our daughter. What am I gonna tell her huh? That her daddy is a coward and a jackass and we just weren’t good enough? Because it’s true isn’t it? God I let you back in, I gave you my heart back and trusted you with it because I knew why you left the first time I understood but this? What’s your excuse now? Oh you might lose a job? Big fucking deal Jensen find another one! Your choosing a job over your family…I thought I knew you but I don’t.”

“Jared baby please just—“

“No. I let you break me once Jensen and I can’t do it again. I love you Jensen I’m so in love with you it hurts but I can’t and I won’t let you hurt my daughter. So if you’re leaving go now, go now and don’t come back.”

Jensen gulped and looked up at Jared who stared back at him with red firm eyes and Jensen turned away “I haven’t made my choice yet.”

“You shouldn’t have to. You shouldn’t have to think about what you want Jensen we are your family it should be simple but if it’s not then that’s your choice. Now I want you to go stay at Chris’s and don’t come back. If your leaving, if you’re going back to LA I don’t want you to come back.”

“Jared I—“

“Go.”

Jensen turned defeated and sent Jared one last pleading look but he turned his head and walked away till he made it to the bathroom where he turned and slid his back down the door tears falling from his eyes and dripping down his cheeks. 

Why did he have to love Jensen ?


	14. Come Back

“You’re a fucking idiot.”

Jensen closed his eyes and leaned back against the couch “he didn’t give me a chance to explain.”

Chris rolled his eyes “why should he? So you can tell him you don’t want him again?”

“It was never that! Of course I want him!”

“Then what the hell are you doing man?”

Jensen groaned “fuck I don’t know I mean I panicked you know? I’ve had this job for years I climbed dup the fucking ladder and now it’s being threatened.”

“It’s a job Jensen you can get another there’s plenty of firms here in Providence of course that Is if Jared still wants you and Chad doesn’t kill you.”

 

“You didn’t let him explain?”

“What’s to explain? That he’s an ass?”

“You don’t know what his going to choose—“

Jared looked up with puffy eyes and shook his head “he shouldn’t have to choose Chad he should know.”

Chad sighed and threw his arm around Jared “you love him right?”

“Of course I do I always have—“

“Then give it time Jay and let him come to you. You cant change your situation, the only thing you can change I show you chose to deal with it.”

Jared closed his eyes and let out a shaky sigh “everything seems to be exhausting me, no matter how much sleep I get or how much coffee I drink, something inside me has given up,” Jared looked up with watery eyes “my soul is tired Chad.”

Chad frowned and opened his mouth to answer—

“Mommy?”

Jared turned with wide eyes as Everleigh came into the room rubbing her eyes and he quickly swiped at his tears “yes sweetie?”

She walked over to him and laid her head on his leg “where’s daddy?”

“He’s…on a business trip.” 

She sniffled and buried her face in his pants “when will he be back?”

Jared made a noise in the back of his throat and shook his head “I don’t know sweetie…I don’t know.”

A week later, a week full of self-doubt and throwing clothes around and Jensen finally walked through the door.

Jared was in the living room folding laundry when he walked in, his eyes going to Jared a sheepish look in his eye and rage filled deep inside Jared and he stood, throwing the clothes to the side. 

“Well nice to see you haven’t forgotten about me.”

Jensen winced “I’m sorry I just needed to think.”

Jared scoffed “and?”

“And…I don’t get why you’re so angry I mean I told you the truth, I told you I needed to think—“

Jared threw up his hands and let out a laugh “oh I’m sorry I forgot nothing’s your fucking fault is it? Why take blame for yourself when you can throw it on others!”

Jensen huffed and leaned back against the wall “you don’t understand Jared when I left this job was all I had! I moved to a different state with a weak heart and nothing to my name.”

“Whose fault is that? You’re the one that left Jensen not me; you made that choice on your own because you didn’t trust me enough to take care of you!”

“That’s not it and you know it! I told you why I left!”

“Yeah and what now? What’s your reason now?” Jared closed his eyes tight, tears leaking from them and dripping off his lashes “I let you back in. I fucking let you back in, I trusted you and you’ve completely destroyed me yet again.”

“I never meant for this to happen. When I told you I intended on staying I meant it.”

“Then what’s going on? I don’t want you to finally see what I’ve been trying to show you when it’s too late, when I’ve walked away. I don’t want you to go back to my past Jensen but I can’t force you to get it, I can’t force you to understand how I feel. I want you to want me, to want us, to want our daughter on your own without me having to force it on you. It’s okay to not know what you want Jensen but tell me then don’t wait and hold it in.”

Jensen took a deep breath and nodded his head slowly before stepping forward and taking Jared’s hand “I don’t know what’s going to happen to us. I can’t see the future or read the stars but I do know I’m all in. here and now till I’m dead in the dirt and even then. No matter how hard it gets or how mad you get at me I am yours and you are mine and I’m gonna love you till I die. I chose you Jared I’ve always chosen you and I always will and I’m sorry it took me 4 years to see it but I do now I do and I’m not leaving again.”

Jared blinked wetly and let out a sob as he tipped his head back to stop the tears from rushing out, but failed. He had known Jensen since he was 18 and despite the four years apart he had never heard Jensen say anything so heartfelt.

Jared swiped at his eyes and cleared his throat as he locked eyes with Jensen who was standing before him with worry written on his face and terror in his eyes.

“You and me we might not be forever…but right now I don’t care about that. so fuck forever because I love you Jensen and I feel like I always have and its crazy really because you left me alone for 4 years and I should hate you for what you did, for lying to me. But I don’t. It’s funny because I love you even more than I did last week because you’re standing here in front of me and you’re not running away this time and that’s all I ever wanted.”

Jensen grinned and stepped forward, his hands reaching out to grab Jared by the waist and pulled him in tight, their chests clashing together knocking the wind out of both of them.

Jared turned and buried his face in Jensen’s neck his tears making tracks down the stubbly skin but Jensen didn’t even care as he wound his fingers in Jared’s dark hair and held him tighter.

**Author's Note:**

> PS: I'm aware there might be spelling mistakes but I would like for people not to comment about it as it is not encouraging to read and I would rather read comments about your opinion of the story thank you!!:)


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